"You couldn't wear your pants any lower, so you just made tiny pants for each leg! SAY IT!"

Names For Michael J. Earnshaw's First Child

Yuniesky Betancourt Earnshaw
David Wright Earnshaw
Edward Estlin Cummings Earnshaw
Charles Mingus Earnshaw
Thomas Stearns Eliot Earnshaw
Samuel Barclay Beckett Earnshaw
Kurt Vonnegut Earnshaw
Yousuf Karsh Earnshaw

Note that I'm screwed if my child is a daughter, because women apparently can't be authors, playwrights, poets, musicians, photographers or athletes.